an attempt to put my feelings into words

I don’t know how I feel, or what I feel, right now...

I get stressed that I’m not in full control, and afraid that I’ve missed something important or that I’ll forget something. I also stress about my money not being enough during the first weeks if any unexpected expense or emergency would arise and I stress about the possibility that everyone else is traveling with someone and already has their ”social circles”. I also stress about what I will feel when I sit on the plane, and when I finally lie down in my bed in Athens and close my eyes the first night at the hostel.

And It’s such mixed feelings to on one hand stress about these things and being constantly nervous, and at the same time feel completely euphoric about what awaits. I'll get to know people from all over the world that I might be able to visit in the future, and maybe Greece becomes a place that feels like my second home? Hopefully I’ll have time to go island hopping, time to see cities and places I would otherwise never have experienced, and being more a part of the locals than a tourist. I look forward to how munch I’ll grow as a person, to become braver and more independent which will open up so many opportunities for future trips and adventures.

And all this combined leaves me a little.., empty? Or maybe rather exhausted? My head has been up in the clouds for the last week, and all these thoughts and feelings has been going on repeat constantly. I’m so happy and grateful for all this, but it feels as if it would be a relief to cry a little and let go of everything that has been built up. 

It's been a busy week, and I've kept myself busy to say the least. Monday to Thursday I've been doing my last days at my job at the bank, and in the evenings I have been busy cleaning my apartment and packing everything that's going to my storage before my tenant moves in. On top of that, this Monday I had my friends from university over for dinner at my house, on Thursday I had an after work with my colleagues from work and on Friday I had lunch with my mom followed by going out with my friends for one last dinner together in the city. 

Now I have the weekend to pack my bags before heading to the airport on Monday morning, and I won't be back until March next year. It feels unreal... 

With love, Elsa ♡